Shedding layers: Acceptance and Gratitude
In order to live in the present, acceptance is key. I must learn to accept my realities without running from the past or chasing the future. For within the blink of an eye this second will be over and will only exist as a brief moment of the past. Many of our seconds we will fail to remember so it is important to be present while they last. To hold them with grace. To cry tears of pride, and share words of love. I must remove myself from comparison and return to my core belief that what is meant for us will come to us. I can never please everyone and if I keep attempting to do so I will be sucked dry of joy.
Going forward, and moving into the new year I take with me two words: Acceptance and gratitude. May I remind myself of the many things I am grateful for in times of crisis. May I retrain my brain to seek out the positives rather than submissively falling into the trap of negativity. For in an imperfect world imperfections are easy to find. It is funny how whenever something “bad” occurs we seem to forget about the trillions of happy moments we have shared. How our brains are programmed to hold onto the hard moments as if they are physically tougher allowing for a greater coefficient of friction and easier grip. What if each complaint was replaced with a token of gratitude? A reminder of how rare and beautiful our lives are. Imagine that. A world in which complaints were replaced by appreciation. Now, this too would be imperfect as I believe in the necessity to express raw emotions without watering them down for the ears of others. Rather to say, if we could acknowledge gratitude in the same way we acknowledge grief, happiness would be radiant.
Now, on the importance of acceptance in this coming year. A powerful, multilayered word. Acceptance is the first step to recovery, healing, change, and improvement. We must face our realities head on and embrace them without chewing them flavorless. Acceptance of the self, situation, limitations, and perceptions. While I think that acceptance of my situation might objectively seem the most relevant, the acceptance I must find is for myself. I must learn to accept myself in all my forms. The form that feels a bit curvier after three months of eating meat twice a day and the form that feels strong after a long run. The form of myself when I am tired and struggle to find words to eloquently express myself, and the form that doesn’t know where to stand in a crowded room.
Self-acceptance is different from self-love. It is a mindful embrace distinct from emotion. It is a goal that, for me, seems more achievable. Now, in complete honesty, when I think of self love and acceptance the first thing that comes to mind is appearance and body-image. I must admit, I place a lot of my self worth in my appearance – a product of the society I was raised in. This is a controversial and triggering topic, but one that I feel is important to open conversation about.
While I respect the decision to evade attention from physical appearance, in my opinion acknowledgement of appearance is an animalistic tendency that is a result of cognition. For example, in the wild animals use vibrant colors and camoflouge to survive and reproduce. Yes, our bodies are not the root of our existence but they are portals of connection. They are the mechanical structures that allow for our existence in a physical world. I also believe that complete divergence of conversation from appearance can create harm.
Something I have learned in Paraguay is our intent desire to deviate conversations regarding appearance stems from a culture that in practice does the exact opposite. In the US body image may be a nuanced topic but it is also prevalent in everything we consume. It feels as if our effort to avoid conversation about appearance is an effort to run from acceptance. Similarly to those who claim to be “color blind” as a failed effort to prove they’re acceptance of humans despite race or ethnicity. The term
"color blind", excuses us from the need to acknowledge the atrocities that were, and still are, committed on the basis of race. It dismisses the concept of systematic racism that will forever be braided into humanity. Now people can’t see bodies either? What if people want their bodies to be acknowledged? What if in order for the tension or shame to be released, my body must be acknowledged. What if I wish for my fat rolls and scars to be kissed? What if I didn’t see fat as bad but just acknowledged its presence.
Our bodies are made of organs that allow us to move, breath, digest, eat, and love. Here in Paraguay talk of bodies is constant. At first, it was a bit odd and hard to hear coming from the perspective of a culture in which commentary on other peoples bodies is prohibited. However, I have come to accept and actually find some beauty in the way that paraguayans are able to openly comment on someone's body without judgement (well sometimes). When they say you look a little fatter, it is no insult but rather an observation that they are saying out loud. And here it isn’t bad to be a little fatter. It could even be taken as a compliment.
What if it is our framing of body image that needs to be converted rather than the simplicity of acknowledgement. Our need to disevade attention from image comes from a culture that praises a single appearance, one in which only thin women can be beautiful. And this is not to say that we should tell our friends that they look a little fatter, just an observation that when we aren’t intentionally avoiding acknowledgement of appearance, it is less stigmatized. That turned into a much longer rant than I had intended but needless to say. Acceptance is key. Not only for the way we appear but for the way we carry ourselves, the way our brains are programmed, and the way we speak. Acceptance is what I seek to achieve. I hope to accept myself for what I am.
As I sit down to finally transcribe this from my journal after weeks, I am reminded of the past week I had. One in which was difficult due to a challenging relationship with my host mom, the discovery of a parasite in my foot, being dragged to a million and one different places while sick, struggling with the concept of a changing body, witnessing and attempting to break up an almost fatal dog attack, and burying a rotting compost pile. It sucked I must admit. But it was all part of the experience. I had to accept. Finding acceptance is an avenue to emotional healing and freedom. And with that I leave you a final reminder, something that I too must remember, hard days can end with a smile when we choose acceptance.
Ava-Rae